Posts tagged ‘love’

Relationship too soon?

Commitment; how do you really know when you’re ready for a committed relationship? Is it something that you tell yourself after being exhausted with past relationship failures? Is it a settlement within you? Or an influence from society saying, at the age of X you should be married or seriously involved with someone? Maybe it’s information that’s passed down from generation to generation that informs you that the time is now.

These days it seems like more and more people are wishy washy as fuck. I mentioned on Facebook the other day that you can never really know what a person is thinking unless they tell you and even if they do tell you it could all be a complete lie and unsurprisingly, a lot of people felt the same way. So how is it that you, the individual, can meet someone and fall in love and comfortably agree to commit? What is the deciding factor within you to confirm that this is it? And what signals can that person send to you that would give you the green light to know that they’re serious about committing to you…for real? Lol Seriously, I wanna know. A reported study by a source somewhere on the god damn internet says that about 70% of straight unmarried couples break up within the first year. Why are people so prone to break up in the beginning? Could it be that we’re not asking all the right questions in the beginning? Or are we asking the right questions but fabricating all the answers?

I have reason to believe that we’re getting involved in relationships with no real understanding as to why we even want the relationship. Some people have been single for so long that all they know is independence so anything that behooves that seems like a threat, but not at first. Ladies when you meet a man and he gives you that satisfying feeling of completion and he grows to become your first thought of the morning and your last thought at night, it’s safe to say that a soft spot is born. You’re affectionate, understanding, caring, patient, and lenient. As the days go by you get to know him more and I suppose that’s when the layers of each person’s individuality is peeled back and collectively you become more aware of who you’re dealing with.

I think it’s because we’re expecting way too much from the relationship too soon. Nothing worth having or enduring is simple at first, right? When you meet a new friend and you have a disagreement and fall out, you stop talking to each other for a couple of days until someone eventually breaks the silence, you make up and you bounce back stronger than ever. Why can’t relationships work this way? Nowadays, you fall out with your man/woman; you break up, and move on. Who even has time for that? Who has the time to keep starting over with new people and getting to know a whole new personality all over again just because you can’t recover from disagreements? Society is now making couples that look good together #relationshipgoals. That’s a part of a brewing problem; we love the idea of the relationship, but the groundwork to sustain it not so much. We’re not patient enough anymore, we want what’s in the picture but we’re not developing the negatives…lol get it? I’ll touch on this more in depth with better examples, for now this was just a thought that crossed my mind so until next time, love and light.

#TRIBE

The Life of the Party (I’m dying inside) Ch. 1

I saw her walk in the entrance to the party and she looked like a gypsy queen high off of the greenest trees and the strongest liquid spirits.  When she walked into the room, it was almost as if the music stopped and the crowd froze.  She pulled a long blue cylinder out of her crocheted purse that was comfortably saddled across her body.  The container had a sudsy solution in it.  She then began to dance simultaneously with her beautiful friend who had a similar object in her hand. Their movements were extravagant and thoughtfully executed as they moved to the tunes of the latest Jamaican artists that were belting through the speakers.  The gypsy queen had on a long-sleeved midriff top of many fabrics that tied in the front.  Her skirt was sheer and flowing with her every movement.  She opened her blue container and took a deep breath and then blew bubbles throughout the party, her friend instantaneously did the same.  The party was their playground and we were just props in their world of freedom and fun.  I admired them for being so wild and free. They were entertaining, they were comfortable, so why was I so uneasy?

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Before I got dressed to go the party, I was laying on my patio floor on my yoga mat looking up at the night sky and smoking a spliff so big that from a distance could have been mistaken for a cigar.  I contemplated if I should be going out because my anxiety was getting the best of me, then the questions poured in and began to suffocate me. Is my outfit trendy enough? What if I don’t like the vibe and I’m not driving in my own car so I won’t be able to leave right away if I wanted to? Omg, I can’t breathe.  What if my cycle started while I’m wearing these bright colors?  I was literally talking myself out of going, and plus I was zooted and paranoid.  This string of weed would be my last that’s for sure because I was royally tripping. I’m a hippie and that comes with the territory, my territory... high nights and euphoric daze.  I was lying on the floor and slowly driving myself into a thinking frenzy.  Jade called me up and said she was hosting a party for the radio station and suggested that I come through, spread positive vibes, touch the mic, and mingle with the people.  In my mind I saw how beautiful this night could be; us dancing throughout the party, flirting with strangers, men and women alike and simply existing.  A part of me loved the idea and then there was that part of me that swallowed the entire idea only for it to lodge in my throat and nauseate me.  I started talking myself through my truth and as usual it hurt like hell.  Me to myself: “You do understand that your self-inflicted pain is a direct result of you being worried about what other people may think of you right? You do understand that you are fucking awesome and full of love and light right? You do understand that if you spend one more night in your comfort zone you might as well end it all because your life should not be calculated based on what society’s idea of life is right? I was coaching myself and per normal it gradually got me back on track.  Right before my next thought was able to seep through, in the distance in the most yawdie high-pitched tone I cringed and heard, “Queen are you still on the fucking phone? Bring yuh rass!” I didn’t even realize that I ventured off into my mind mid-convo with Jade.  SMH I told her I was sorry and that I’ll go.  I turned on Pandora to my Ty Dolla Sign station and Chris Brown’s, “Freaky Friday” came on, it immediately put me in a happier mood.  I grabbed the ½ empty bottle of red wine from the fridge and danced all the way to my closet.  As I stood in front of the closet it became apparent that I’ve given most of my clothes away to charity and have nothing to wear.  This is the same conclusion that I come to every time I have to go somewhere but always somehow manage to make it work.  I got dressed, chugged the rest of the wine and drove to Jade’s house.  She was already in the parking lot leaning on her car tapping her feet as if I was late or some shit.  I pulled up next to her, stuck my head out the window and asked, “You selling I’m buying wassup?” She laughed and said, “Jump in bitch we out.” I retorted, “Stop calling me bitch we talked about this.” She responded, “My bad queen.” Then added, “I like this queen shit ya know? It’s taking some adjusting but I dig it, just wanted you to know that.” I plopped down in the passenger side of her car, paused and stared at her. I scanned her face for sarcasm, nothing there so I responded, “Good. Roll up.”

The party was in Miami, an outside event with a long ass line wrapped around the establishment.  The minute I saw the line I wanted to abort the mission but I knew it was too late now and Jade would be pissed.  We parked in her reserved spot that was dead in front of the crowd, I just wanted to melt into a cool liquid and slither down the nearest drain.  I hit the blunt two times which seemed like a bad idea at first because it only made me feel more anxious and jittery.  I had a personal bottle of patron silver in my purse so I took 3 shots and I was good then I passed the bottle to Jade and she did the same.  As we walked to the front of the line, I lagged behind a little taking in the scenery, the scents, the sounds, and the people.  I was high and tipsy and so grateful for the feeling so I immediately began thanking the universe for this feeling with a soft whisper under my breath.   I chanted, “thank you thank you thank you for this feeling,” over and over again because this could have easily been a major deal of me losing it internally and no one would have had the slightest clue.  When we got to the entrance we showed our passes and walked in.  As soon as I walked in this tall lanky chic with knees that touched, pale skin and skinny dreads tugged at my purse. I abruptly turned around and…

Keep it locked for the next chapter, all of the chapters will be incomplete so I trust that you will return to see what happens next.  The story will grow until it ends. I appreciate you for reading, love and light.

#TRIBE

 

My Present To Me…

The New Year is here! Love and light to me for stating the obvious and love and light to all the people that feel the new sense of purpose.  Waiting on the New Year to cut people off and start new ventures is a bit shady but if that’s what’s working for folk by all means do what you gotta do.  I’m living in the now so the moment is very much so my present to me and it surprises me every time and I appreciate my life for that.  My past is behind me and barely fixated on my mind and I appreciate my resilience for that.  My future is hopeful and as long as I play well with my presence I know I’ll appreciate my gifts for that.  😉

Maturity is achieved with time and understanding.  Some people simulate maturity while others actually take the time to see a situation through, accept it for what it is, learn from it, become more knowledgeable and an asset to their own life and others.  The older I get the more I realize that the quality of the life that I’m living is not in what I have or what I’m missing, but in what I appreciate and what I’m giving.

I’m so inspired.  I see with my eyes opened and feel with my palms to the sky, as genuine feelings are ordained by the heavens and considerately assigned to the heart.  I’m so grateful for the people in my life.  I’m so grateful for the experiences that I’ve been through and the ones to come.  Life inspires me and I’m forever grateful for it.

Love and Light

~The Lyricist
#TRIBE

Fairy Tale Personalities & Whimsical Lifestyles…

I’m still trying to process the fact that almost every single piece of communication is done electronically:  Email, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, text, to name a few.  So you can see why I may feel like a bit of a hypocrite because I don’t go out much but don’t want my love connection to spark via internet.  It’s crazy because although I feel most comfortable being by myself nothing beats having a spiritual and emotional connection with someone else.  The age we’re in now with technology people can alter who they are and portray whatever they recognize your type to be.  For instance, on my Instagram I give the impression that I’m an earthy, goofy, fit, beach-loving, lyricist and that’s indeed what I am and so much more.  So I’ve had people approach me in a manner to accommodate these things.  I’ve been working on my trust issues and I’ve been speaking to different people more and I must admit there’s a diverse, beautiful world out there.  There’s also a community of losers who pride themselves on how quickly they can smooze you into believing their fairytale personalities and whimsical lifestyles.  So not only do I have to take people for who they are, virtually, but I have to have the sense enough to decipher who’s real and who’s fake.  This electronic connecting shit is nothing compared to face-to-face interaction.

Within a couple moments of meeting a person I can pick up on their true intentions.  Body language, tone of voice, handshake, conversational content, smiles or the lack thereof, it’s all a direct giveaway of a person’s true intentions.  I’m curious to know the first person EVER who went online, created a profile, posted a fictitious bio and misleading pictures, sent a confident message and then waited and felt okay within him/herself during all of this.  Lol Where did the real go? Where did authentication go? It’s gotten to a point where I sit back at times and look at the world through trinoculars and all I see are avatars and you never really know who’s operating that avatar.

So how exactly and why exactly should you trust that what someone is saying online is actually what the deal is? You don’t.  What you do is you trust your intuition to separate the two. Your first feeling is usually your intuition. Fact is you gotta move with the time and when you meet people whether it be online or in-person and they’re genuine, you thank God and you hold on to em.  Shit the world is all visual now, so when I’m approached online and the obvious is stated I’m neither surprised nor offended…simply aware.  Aware that the time is different and there’s no time to be naïve…also holding fast to the fact that being judgmental won’t help the situation either.  Lol Smfh Life just gets more and more interesting, I swear.

 

~The Lyricist

#TRIBE

That’s Some Selfish Shit.

I told him I was lacking inspiration. I had nothing to write about even though I had everything to write about.  Nothing in my mind was good enough to be put on paper because I wasn’t satisfied with my life.  I was unsettled and ungrateful.  Here I was overlooking the beautiful transformation that I asked my creator for because it wasn’t wrapped in a pretty package.  I was taking my own life for granted because it wasn’t bestowed on me in the way that I ordered it. And if it were given to me in that manner I wouldn’t be living it at all…I’d still be taking it for granted.  My inspiration is my hardship and in the bellow of everything that I don’t understand right away.

I looked myself in the mirror trying to figure out what in the hell am I supposed to be doing? Writing pissed me off, not writing pissed me off, people pissed me off, and I pissed me off for being pissed off in the 1st place.  I was annoyed with life because I was annoyed with me for not knowing what to do.  The woman with all the answers for everyone else couldn’t find one answer for herself.  Indecisive. Undecided because no answer was good enough for me so doing nothing seemed like the easiest thing to do…which worked out to be most spiritually fatal… doing nothing.  That’s some selfish shit. Forgetting myself because I didn’t know what to do with myself lol and in turn I was making myself miserable.  Change requires a whole lot of soul searching and self realization.  It requires facing the facts…aka facing the truth.

Inspiration is in everything…it’s in the melody of my 7am alarm entitled, “Live Life Cherokee!” It’s within the awkward silence of a much needed conversation between two strangers, within the hazy fog of weed smoke exhaled by a tight knit of homies on a Sunday morning, within a shrilling cry for help to the creator for deliverance, within the 6th bar of the 2nd verse to a song with no chorus, within the front row of a rowdy crowd in a rundown club with no liquor license lol, within a mother’s prayer, a father’s neglect, a friend’s lack of loyalty, within a new flame, within a distant memory… It’s everywhere. 🙂

~The Lyricist

#TRIBE

“It’s True…”

Earlier today I was sitting in solitude with my thoughts trying to come up with a new venture to monetize…while trying to come up with the ideas for the matter, I started thinking about what the money would solve. I thought about my life and how as little as $5,000 would make it better…I thought about my mama and how I’d help her and how we’d humbly laugh while basking in our sudden yet simple change of fate, even though the amount was so small. I started to write a couple bars on a new joint that I’d plan to call, “It’s True…” ‘Money ain’t the object of my affection/ sure would smooth my complexion/ cool brown girl smilin’ stylin’ even tho I’m wild’n/ everything I’m buying/ mama ain’t crying, kings still lying tryna comply and/ show affection and attention for little things to da lil boo/ It’s True, happiness can be bought too…” I tried to think about every and anybody who mattered to me & what I’d do for them…or not. There wasn’t much folks that came to mind…my memory is fucked any damn way so that didn’t help at all, but for the most part the list was short.

I love her to pieces... #TRIBE

I love her to pieces… #TRIBE

When I got home, I started digging through a box of old items looking for an item that I believed would help me in my newest venture…I won’t go into detail on what the item was to reserve the integrity & exclusivity of the new project, but I found something else…3 watches.  I sat on the floor in my closet for about 20 minutes looking at each watch as if to be stuck in a deep trance…one that tied me to the significance of these items.  My eyes welled with tears because there’s so many beautiful stories tied to my history that became distant artifacts in boxes that I may never find due to taking time for granted.  I sat there thinking about my ol’ girl…and how she loved me unconditionally…how she loved me when I was rebellious…how she defended me…how she cared for me…how she made sacrifices for me…the central headquarters of my unconditional love.  No matter what we were going through when I was a child, my happiness always came first to my mama…and now I sat there looking at the 3 watches…3 reminders…past, present, & future…A frigid reminder that I gotta keep trying to become a better person…my ol’ girl ain’t the same lady she was 16 years ago when she bought the 1st watch for me…she was younger…more durable, and quick…with time she aged like fine wine and reminds me of my late grandmother everyday. I teared up because she looks to me now the way I looked to her 16 years ago…and I know with everything that I’m trying to accomplish in my life right now, it makes me a bit short and impatient…even in the midst of promoting love and light…patience & virtue…I’m not patient enough with her…and it hurt me. Damn, I’m trying to change for the better…dealing with my ol’ girl humbles me…I apologize more now…I let things go quicker now…I forgive those who hurt me, I love those who hate me, because this is all that I welcome in my spirit…it feels good…and it’s helping me to become a better person.

It’s True…three watches conjured enough memories from my past, to remind me not to take my present for granted because the future is not promised… *smiles to self*  

~The Lyricist  

#TRIBE 

Cherokee The Lyricist

Cherokee The Lyricist

The Black Halo That Hovers Me…

I’m at war with myself.  The things that I expect of me are so formidable and sometimes I don’t give myself a chance to accomplish these things. I take on so much.  I’m so emotional and it took me a while to understand what that really meant and to come to terms with being this way.  I don’t like labels because they keep you in a box that most would draw biased conclusions on before really understanding what makes the items in this box so unique.  What makes me different? I don’t believe that real people wake up in the morning and ask themselves, “How can I be different today?” That’s bogus.  I believe that real people follow their 1st mind…their intuition..their gut…and live on their terms..not on terms predetermined by a book they’ve read..or by what someone said the terms are supposed to be in order to be…different; They just are.  When you make an impact, I don’t believe this is something you can plan…it just kinda happens. The most tragic or beautiful accidents are due to impromptu impact aren’t they not?

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I always sit and wonder about people and the way that they think.  I asked myself several times, does the rest of the world think like me? Does the rest of the world give themselves a hard time the way that I do? Do they hurt when someone they barely know is in pain? Do they want to be heard? Do they struggle with trying to uphold their purpose? And if I know what my purpose is, why is it a struggle? Shouldn’t I struggle with the things that I’m unfamiliar with? Of course not.  It’s usually the familiar things..like family & friends that make the struggle harder.  What I don’t know will hurt me…and what I do know already has.  Where do I go from here? Does the rest of the world think like this? Why the FUCK do I think so much? I have a responsibility and that’s to live the life that I’m given but sometimes it gets so hard…to the point where I myself lose touch with the whole damn point.  I suppose I’m just supposed to know.  I have a big heart…a big forgiving heart at that…I’ll do for the next before I’ll do for myself..I won’t change that.  I just wish sometimes that I can get a little help. I just wish sometimes that people would fight for me, the way that I fight for them..I hurt too. I just don’t talk about it because I hate that vulnerable feeling. I don’t want them to see me cry…I don’t want them to try to hug me and tell me everything is going to be okay…I don’t want them to think to themselves that they have to be there for me because they are my friend.  I know how I think, I know how genuine I am. I know that every move within the second of a minute is a personal decision to decide between doing good and doing evil.  I choose to do good..not because I have to, but because it just feels so much better.  I don’t want them to be there for me because they decided to do good for selfish reasons..because they had to I just can’t seem to give people that opportunity.  I’ve been hurt so much.  I live a very lonely life because of this…this is not a cry for help, this is how I maintain.  This is how I think…this is MY STRUGGLE…the pictures that I paint don’t all have daisies and sunshine in em. I got issues like everybody else. I just wish I understood why I process things the way that I do.  A part of me knows the answers to all of my questions…as the other part seems to like posing questions to confirmed answers to hurt me. I’m at war with myself. This is my scarlet letter, the Black Halo that hovers over me…my good verses evil… Black Halo…The Mixtape… July 20th

~The Lyricist

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