Posts tagged ‘Florida’

The Life of the Party (I’m dying inside) Ch. 1

I saw her walk in the entrance to the party and she looked like a gypsy queen high off of the greenest trees and the strongest liquid spirits.  When she walked into the room, it was almost as if the music stopped and the crowd froze.  She pulled a long blue cylinder out of her crocheted purse that was comfortably saddled across her body.  The container had a sudsy solution in it.  She then began to dance simultaneously with her beautiful friend who had a similar object in her hand. Their movements were extravagant and thoughtfully executed as they moved to the tunes of the latest Jamaican artists that were belting through the speakers.  The gypsy queen had on a long-sleeved midriff top of many fabrics that tied in the front.  Her skirt was sheer and flowing with her every movement.  She opened her blue container and took a deep breath and then blew bubbles throughout the party, her friend instantaneously did the same.  The party was their playground and we were just props in their world of freedom and fun.  I admired them for being so wild and free. They were entertaining, they were comfortable, so why was I so uneasy?

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Before I got dressed to go the party, I was laying on my patio floor on my yoga mat looking up at the night sky and smoking a spliff so big that from a distance could have been mistaken for a cigar.  I contemplated if I should be going out because my anxiety was getting the best of me, then the questions poured in and began to suffocate me. Is my outfit trendy enough? What if I don’t like the vibe and I’m not driving in my own car so I won’t be able to leave right away if I wanted to? Omg, I can’t breathe.  What if my cycle started while I’m wearing these bright colors?  I was literally talking myself out of going, and plus I was zooted and paranoid.  This string of weed would be my last that’s for sure because I was royally tripping. I’m a hippie and that comes with the territory, my territory... high nights and euphoric daze.  I was lying on the floor and slowly driving myself into a thinking frenzy.  Jade called me up and said she was hosting a party for the radio station and suggested that I come through, spread positive vibes, touch the mic, and mingle with the people.  In my mind I saw how beautiful this night could be; us dancing throughout the party, flirting with strangers, men and women alike and simply existing.  A part of me loved the idea and then there was that part of me that swallowed the entire idea only for it to lodge in my throat and nauseate me.  I started talking myself through my truth and as usual it hurt like hell.  Me to myself: “You do understand that your self-inflicted pain is a direct result of you being worried about what other people may think of you right? You do understand that you are fucking awesome and full of love and light right? You do understand that if you spend one more night in your comfort zone you might as well end it all because your life should not be calculated based on what society’s idea of life is right? I was coaching myself and per normal it gradually got me back on track.  Right before my next thought was able to seep through, in the distance in the most yawdie high-pitched tone I cringed and heard, “Queen are you still on the fucking phone? Bring yuh rass!” I didn’t even realize that I ventured off into my mind mid-convo with Jade.  SMH I told her I was sorry and that I’ll go.  I turned on Pandora to my Ty Dolla Sign station and Chris Brown’s, “Freaky Friday” came on, it immediately put me in a happier mood.  I grabbed the ½ empty bottle of red wine from the fridge and danced all the way to my closet.  As I stood in front of the closet it became apparent that I’ve given most of my clothes away to charity and have nothing to wear.  This is the same conclusion that I come to every time I have to go somewhere but always somehow manage to make it work.  I got dressed, chugged the rest of the wine and drove to Jade’s house.  She was already in the parking lot leaning on her car tapping her feet as if I was late or some shit.  I pulled up next to her, stuck my head out the window and asked, “You selling I’m buying wassup?” She laughed and said, “Jump in bitch we out.” I retorted, “Stop calling me bitch we talked about this.” She responded, “My bad queen.” Then added, “I like this queen shit ya know? It’s taking some adjusting but I dig it, just wanted you to know that.” I plopped down in the passenger side of her car, paused and stared at her. I scanned her face for sarcasm, nothing there so I responded, “Good. Roll up.”

The party was in Miami, an outside event with a long ass line wrapped around the establishment.  The minute I saw the line I wanted to abort the mission but I knew it was too late now and Jade would be pissed.  We parked in her reserved spot that was dead in front of the crowd, I just wanted to melt into a cool liquid and slither down the nearest drain.  I hit the blunt two times which seemed like a bad idea at first because it only made me feel more anxious and jittery.  I had a personal bottle of patron silver in my purse so I took 3 shots and I was good then I passed the bottle to Jade and she did the same.  As we walked to the front of the line, I lagged behind a little taking in the scenery, the scents, the sounds, and the people.  I was high and tipsy and so grateful for the feeling so I immediately began thanking the universe for this feeling with a soft whisper under my breath.   I chanted, “thank you thank you thank you for this feeling,” over and over again because this could have easily been a major deal of me losing it internally and no one would have had the slightest clue.  When we got to the entrance we showed our passes and walked in.  As soon as I walked in this tall lanky chic with knees that touched, pale skin and skinny dreads tugged at my purse. I abruptly turned around and…

Keep it locked for the next chapter, all of the chapters will be incomplete so I trust that you will return to see what happens next.  The story will grow until it ends. I appreciate you for reading, love and light.

#TRIBE

 

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I’m a freelance human.

It’s been two years since I’ve blogged on my site.  Two years.  Let’s make a toast to consistency shall we?

So much has come and gone within this time frame and I’m so blessed to be alive and well… and aware that I fucked up.  Given that it’s been such a long stretch of time since I’ve last checked in, I’ll take the opportunity now to refresh everyone on what this blog is all about and what to look forward to in the upcoming weeks.

“Hi, I’m Cherokee, formally known as, Cherokee The Lyricist.  I’m a Hip Hop Soul artist originally from Brooklyn, NY, and raised in Ft. Lauderdale, FL.  I enjoy living my life on my terms which include but is not limited to: making music, writing, thrifting, annoying my boyfriend, avoiding major responsibilities, and sleeping on the beach, I meant, meditating on the beach.  Yes, you guessed it, I’m a liberated-spirit and pride myself on that as well.  I figured writing a blog would help me to stay connected to my tribe while also purging my mind of the continuous and at times daunting thoughts that never seem to go away unless I really need them.  I’m a freelance human.  I wander through life as a carefree butterfly pitching on the flowers in the garden of uncertainty.  (I’m really having fun with this lol)

In short, I missed  you guys.  Consistency for me has been a struggle because my mind is something that from time-to-time I lose control of, am I crazy? To society? Maybe. Am I human? To me? Sometimes. But I am sure of one thing and one thing only, and that it’s my purpose to simply, BE.  The moment I started allowing myself to simply, BE, I remembered this blog, my responsibility and my purpose.  Sometimes we try so hard to BE more and end up losing focus forgetting that we’re supposed to simply, BE.  (That sounded hella deep in my head when I thought of it, on paper not so much).

I appreciate the tribe for holding out for me, for believing in me, for encouraging me and understanding that in this life the only thing that’s certain is knowing that nothing is certain.  Expect a couple blogs a week from me, expect updates on new music and poetry from me, and expect most importantly, the unexpected. 

Love and light,

Cherokee

#TRIBE

That’s Some Selfish Shit.

I told him I was lacking inspiration. I had nothing to write about even though I had everything to write about.  Nothing in my mind was good enough to be put on paper because I wasn’t satisfied with my life.  I was unsettled and ungrateful.  Here I was overlooking the beautiful transformation that I asked my creator for because it wasn’t wrapped in a pretty package.  I was taking my own life for granted because it wasn’t bestowed on me in the way that I ordered it. And if it were given to me in that manner I wouldn’t be living it at all…I’d still be taking it for granted.  My inspiration is my hardship and in the bellow of everything that I don’t understand right away.

I looked myself in the mirror trying to figure out what in the hell am I supposed to be doing? Writing pissed me off, not writing pissed me off, people pissed me off, and I pissed me off for being pissed off in the 1st place.  I was annoyed with life because I was annoyed with me for not knowing what to do.  The woman with all the answers for everyone else couldn’t find one answer for herself.  Indecisive. Undecided because no answer was good enough for me so doing nothing seemed like the easiest thing to do…which worked out to be most spiritually fatal… doing nothing.  That’s some selfish shit. Forgetting myself because I didn’t know what to do with myself lol and in turn I was making myself miserable.  Change requires a whole lot of soul searching and self realization.  It requires facing the facts…aka facing the truth.

Inspiration is in everything…it’s in the melody of my 7am alarm entitled, “Live Life Cherokee!” It’s within the awkward silence of a much needed conversation between two strangers, within the hazy fog of weed smoke exhaled by a tight knit of homies on a Sunday morning, within a shrilling cry for help to the creator for deliverance, within the 6th bar of the 2nd verse to a song with no chorus, within the front row of a rowdy crowd in a rundown club with no liquor license lol, within a mother’s prayer, a father’s neglect, a friend’s lack of loyalty, within a new flame, within a distant memory… It’s everywhere. 🙂

~The Lyricist

#TRIBE

“You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a man…”

You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a man…strong, handsome, and serious. The minute I walk in the room, you smile so genuinely…it’s more like you’re blushing, I’m still trying to take it all in.  I love the way how you call me in the middle of the day to tell me something silly that happened to you a few moments before your call… then I tell you it’s funny that you called because I was just thinking of you…we laugh…”I gotta studio session later King & I want you to slide with me, it’s a track about love and I want to feel your energy in the booth…” As always you say, “I’ll go wherever you want me to go…pressha or mid?” I choose mid and you end the call by saying, “Love you Juliet…” and I say, “…so cliche…lol..love you too Romeo…” *call ends*

Our connection is so decent. I’d go lay on the roof of my car at 1am in the morning to stargaze, soon after you’d come out and sit on the trunk to smoke and sit in silence with me…you understand me.  You look back and say, “You hungry…?”  I sit up and say, “You hungry huh? lol Yeah I’m hungry man…”  So we get in the whip and slide…it doesn’t take much effort to do what we do, it suits us.  It’s 1:20 am & your phone rings, I glance at you slyly and snuggle under you as you steer the whip…I say, “Don’t answer it.” You look at me with a mimicking grin and we keep on sliding.  I trust you so much, you add to my happiness, and I’m not intimidated by things that don’t concern me…you know this.  You’re my best friend…you feel more like my homie than my lover and damn I love this feeling.  I doze off a little bit and then wake up in my living room with my pen and pad on  my chest…I look at the first line of the page & it reads, “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a man…strong, handsome, and serious.” I lay back & smile…I know  you’re out there King…I know you are…

~The Lyricist

#TRIBE

…This Fight…

I’m always at odds with my thoughts..you know me…they will never settle.  I tend to tell myself white lies to treat the fragile feelings with care. That’s what white lies are for right? To protect you in a coy way from the truth… “…I’m okay,” is what I’d say just to shift the spotlight from where I stand which seems to be center stage of my immediate world’s uncanny scrutiny.  So strange…it’s so strange how everything can move at a pace that you can never really seem to get used to, but always somehow manage to keep up. The pace is mine.  I’m trying to impress me, take care of me, and love me unconditionally; In doing that it drives me fucking insane.  I’m so hard to please, easily amused, and unsatisfied.  If I can only present an admit one ticket to the admissions counter of my soul to validate my existence…and that miserable bitch behind the counter..ugh…if she would only accept the funds that I have right now, I mean damn I worked for it. I just wanna jump over the counter and shove it down her throat and gag her until she regurgitates..and maybe THEN at that point she’d admit me into the establishment…for all I truly want is to be established. 

I’m at war with me because I expect so much of me and I know my capabilities but I always find myself 2nd guessing em. I take a step forward, I never look back, but it’s leery. I am the epiphany of a work in progress. You know that feeling that you get after chugging a Red Bull? No, not a warm one…an ice cold Red Bull..niacin filled wet beads slithering in unison on the surface of your tongue, down your throat, into your esophagus coolly making its way to your tummy…that energized feeling…a feeling of rejuvenation…a spurt of happiness and motivation in a can…that’s how I feel daily…but without the caffeine kick…I feel this constant urge to produce..to attain..to plan…to work….to..oh God it’s just an unsettled feeling with a never-ending boost of ambition. Yeah…that’s what it is. Is this what the road to success is like? You work until you’re blue in the face and with each step that you take that seems as if to be in vain, puts your hope reservoir in a state of disbelief and alarm. I mean that’s how it is for me….if I’m not making a move on something I feel inadequate..  Sometimes I wish I weren’t this way. I’m fighting for a cause and this fight…I must fight it alone.

True indeed I will be assisted at some point in all that I do, but internally I have to regulate the demands on my own and boy oh boy do they exist…verdict’s in…I will be successful.  Fuck a white lie, I’m not okay…I won’t be okay until the pictures that I see flickering vividly in front of my eyes even as I’m awake grinding to profile in these visions are a full color reality.  It’s hard to stray away from something or someone when you’re in love.  You can’t just walk away…no matter how much it puts you in feelings of despair.  I’m vulnerable… vulnerable to greatness…it’s an expensive ticket and the woman behind the counter gave me an ultimatum…she said you ‘gon have all this money up front to get in this establishment or you are not getting the fuck in….and so I work and I save and I work and I save some more…in hopes that she’d allow me in, I won’t stop until I have enough..

~The Lyricist

 

"My spirit is free.."

“My spirit is free..”

Caution..Responsibility..Blame..Burden…

How can I say you’re my friend if I have to ask myself this question? Questions are only posed when the mind or heart is in doubt and an answer is the only cure for relief.  I hate going through these particular labyrinths…it’s hard enough to have to find my way through but now I have to find my way through while making sure that I’m not trying to make it through for the wrong reasons.  I don’t want to commit to a situation that will only cause me harm, but now the only way to be loyal is to commit and the only way to decipher if it’s dangerous or not is if I…commit.  What do you do when your intuition has questions? If you are who you say you are to me then why don’t I believe you? I believe the weatherman when he says its 75 degrees outside & there may be a slight chance of rain…and I don’t even know that man. It’s funny how life works itself out.  If life works itself out so well I believe it’s only fit that life trains me…and it has..because of the intense workout plan of life, I trust no one.

Please don’t fault me for being cautious…please don’t hold me responsible for the unease of your heart…please don’t blame me for your uncertainty… and please don’t burden me with the thought that all the things I’m asking politely for is in vain.  I just want the best for me.  Every time I lose focus on what the best is for Cherokee…for Juliet…shit gets real.  My passion lives within my soul and I share it with whomever I feel will respect it, try to understand it, and care enough to stifle self righteous endeavors to accommodate it; Besides….that’s what I’d do.  I’d look beyond the demand of my own heart to relieve the strain that the demand of my friend’s dream is causing on their heart…that’s passion. You feel it, you share it, you feed it, you receive it, you Become.

I’m a pollen grain trapped in a beehive… vulnerable to being ridiculed, mistreated, and an edifying source of satisfaction to the one{s} who feel my sincerity and play me for it.  What am I supposed to do? It tears me up inside to know that I have so much love to give not necessarily intimate love, but genuine platonic love.  Love is an action that creates feelings that stick.  I care so much about so much and to see this is to believe it and folks take advantage so much.  I observe with my spirit, it discerns right from wrong…good from evil and levitates my existence so existing shouldn’t be so hard…but it is.

I’m not upset or unhappy with the way the relationships in my life are progressing…or not.  I’m concerned.  I attract what I want and evade what I despise, I love what & who I care about while pacing my mind to believe that all of this is okay.  When things go wrong I take the blame because I should know better, like I should have known when to end that conversation or when to question that situation.  Intuition…that’s your job right Mr. Intuition?? Aren’t you supposed to step in as a quick adviser, my trustworthy inner consultation headquarters, lodged in place to give my conscious reasoning a break? Lol I dunno it all yo…I just know that when a feeling is created it’s not summoned for the sake of merely existing. It’s there to raise awareness..to garnish what whomever is involved is feeding off of…wow…I’m in over my head now…all I want is to be understood…and to understand why is it that I have to take mental voyages through personal experiences and things that I’ve learned to try to decipher the intentions of a “true friend.”

Let Me Through Please...

Life goes on, it always will and sometimes there’s no real way of knowing beforehand what you’re getting into unless you take a leap of faith and simply, get into it.  I approach life with caution…adhere to my responsibility…avoid shifting blame…and write profusely and pray impulsively to shift any burden that the demand of a stately living may require by pushing them through the avenues that I’ve set up to dilute them and immortalize them in a manner where the next man can learn from my mishap, if any, and do just the same.  And even after all of that, I still don’t know who you are.  I guess we never really know until the shit hits the fan huh? *Shrugs*

~The Lyricist

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