Posts tagged ‘emotional’

The Life of the Party (Time to Go) Final Chapter

Photographer: IG @jamieblak

There were only two things that I wanted to see happen within the next couple of hours and that was for me to leave this party and get back to the comfort of my four sacred walls.  As I counted the stars, my mind drifted off as I began to think about the placement of every item in my apartment.  The brick wall in my bedroom near the window was such a comforting thought for me.  I imagined myself sitting on the window sill with the window and blinds opened exposing the gritty, black fire escape; me, smoking a fat blunt and communing with the universe about the small joys within my personal space.  I imagined that my retro record player would be belting out soothing tunes of smooth jazz as my nerves fell victim to its cunning notes and flirtatious rifts.  In the distance from way down below my apartment window, I could hear a faint noise of a woman yelling up from the street at the top of her lungs in my direction.  It sounded like the woman was yelling, “Nina! I’m back! Earth to Nina!” I put the blunt down and stuck my head out of the window to see who was yelling and ended up jumping out of my vision to see Jada standing in front of me holding a fat blunt saying, “This one’s yours.”  A big grin crept across my face like it was a slave to my glee and I snatched the blunt, “I’ma love you forever girl!” then hugged and pulled Jada down onto the couch with me.  I told her I was over this scene and that I wanted to leave sooner than later and if she was partied out as yet.  She said she’s ready too because she had another party to hit afterward and wanted to get a head start on it.  I stared at her with the WTF face and asked, “Was this a part of the original plan because I don’t remember agreeing to that part nor do I don’t wanna go.” She shot a look back at me and was like, “I knew your party pooping ass wouldn’t want to go so I’ll take you back to your car and then I’ll go by myself because it’s up our way anyway.” I then exhaled with relief.  The anxiety that was rising within me when she initially mentioned the 2nd party quickly subsided.  I decided to put the blunt Jada gave me up until I got home as a celebratory smoke session for making it through the night, I was satisfied.

I came to this party filled with ideas of everything that could possibly go wrong which had me dying inside.  I overcame the obstacle of staying home yet another night and evaded the urge to remain hostage to my anxiety.  Tonight we came and we conquered, the party was our playground in our world of freedom and fun.  I did everything that I was afraid of which was quite entertaining, but now it’s time to go home.

~The Lyricist

#TRIBE

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Fairy Tale Personalities & Whimsical Lifestyles…

I’m still trying to process the fact that almost every single piece of communication is done electronically:  Email, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, text, to name a few.  So you can see why I may feel like a bit of a hypocrite because I don’t go out much but don’t want my love connection to spark via internet.  It’s crazy because although I feel most comfortable being by myself nothing beats having a spiritual and emotional connection with someone else.  The age we’re in now with technology people can alter who they are and portray whatever they recognize your type to be.  For instance, on my Instagram I give the impression that I’m an earthy, goofy, fit, beach-loving, lyricist and that’s indeed what I am and so much more.  So I’ve had people approach me in a manner to accommodate these things.  I’ve been working on my trust issues and I’ve been speaking to different people more and I must admit there’s a diverse, beautiful world out there.  There’s also a community of losers who pride themselves on how quickly they can smooze you into believing their fairytale personalities and whimsical lifestyles.  So not only do I have to take people for who they are, virtually, but I have to have the sense enough to decipher who’s real and who’s fake.  This electronic connecting shit is nothing compared to face-to-face interaction.

Within a couple moments of meeting a person I can pick up on their true intentions.  Body language, tone of voice, handshake, conversational content, smiles or the lack thereof, it’s all a direct giveaway of a person’s true intentions.  I’m curious to know the first person EVER who went online, created a profile, posted a fictitious bio and misleading pictures, sent a confident message and then waited and felt okay within him/herself during all of this.  Lol Where did the real go? Where did authentication go? It’s gotten to a point where I sit back at times and look at the world through trinoculars and all I see are avatars and you never really know who’s operating that avatar.

So how exactly and why exactly should you trust that what someone is saying online is actually what the deal is? You don’t.  What you do is you trust your intuition to separate the two. Your first feeling is usually your intuition. Fact is you gotta move with the time and when you meet people whether it be online or in-person and they’re genuine, you thank God and you hold on to em.  Shit the world is all visual now, so when I’m approached online and the obvious is stated I’m neither surprised nor offended…simply aware.  Aware that the time is different and there’s no time to be naïve…also holding fast to the fact that being judgmental won’t help the situation either.  Lol Smfh Life just gets more and more interesting, I swear.

 

~The Lyricist

#TRIBE

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