Posts tagged ‘CherokeeTheLyricist’

I’ll be 18 at Midnight.

topmodelDreaming is my escape from reality.  There’s a part of me that’s on the other end of the globe exploring and experiencing and then there’s the part of me that’s still here. I spent years asking myself, “Am I a grown-up yet?” Lol What the hell does it even mean to be a grown-up? The answer to the question is never clear but I somehow managed to be categorized as such.  I remember the year I graduated from high school; I sat on the patio of my apartment staring at things until they became blurred in vision in a heroic attempt to hold on to every moment; I wanted to be so aware of the moment and its coinciding timestamp.   I was fascinated with life, in the moment.  It was as if every living thing that came into view had a chance at life for a 2nd time.  Time became so much more important to me and graduation was really a mechanism that stood for transformation.  The sky was golden, the sun rays beamed gently over the entire landscape causing me to sit in the shade with a partial squint. The breeze was warm and for the first time ever, I felt a sense of carelessness and freedom.  With graduation a day or so away and my birthday coming shortly after, all I could think of was the auspicious possibilities and this new chapter, I had mixed emotions.  I knew that once I walked across that stage and secured that diploma, everything that happened or wouldn’t happen from that point forward, would be on the account of me and me only. Truth is it was always on me but that’s a lesson that came later on in my life.

I remember the feeling that I had the night before my 18th birthday.  I remember looking at my face in the mirror and thinking; at midnight I’ll be 18 and foolishly wondering what my 18 year old face would look like. Lol I was so amazed that I was finally going to be living life on my own terms that I tried to imagine what being an adult would feel like once the clock struck midnight.  Every moment was that much more important so I was very careful to recognize every occurrence and detail within every preceding minute.  This was the last time that I would ever get to be a child, I’ll never be 17 again, and life will forever be changed at midnight.

The time came and gone, I didn’t shed any skin and I wasn’t swept off my feet and into the air by a gust of magical winds with an angelic light flow from the heavens, to be struck by the adult Gods with a lightning bolt of glory and responsibility; I simply went up a number. Astounding. Looking back from then til now, I can now see that adulthood is having an open state-of-mind.  No matter how many bills you may pay, the number of children you may have, deals closed, or money made, no matter what you may do in this life, there’s no specific event that occurs that grants you your adulthood.  It’s more so a mental transition that occurs when you become mature enough to understand your circumstances and take full responsibility for them through the good and bad.  The great news is that my inner child never died, she’s always fighting the good fight to remain relevant in my day-to-day life. Lol I’m still a big kid going through this journey with an open perspective, life is what you think it. 

 

~The Lyricist

#TRIBE

That’s Some Selfish Shit.

I told him I was lacking inspiration. I had nothing to write about even though I had everything to write about.  Nothing in my mind was good enough to be put on paper because I wasn’t satisfied with my life.  I was unsettled and ungrateful.  Here I was overlooking the beautiful transformation that I asked my creator for because it wasn’t wrapped in a pretty package.  I was taking my own life for granted because it wasn’t bestowed on me in the way that I ordered it. And if it were given to me in that manner I wouldn’t be living it at all…I’d still be taking it for granted.  My inspiration is my hardship and in the bellow of everything that I don’t understand right away.

I looked myself in the mirror trying to figure out what in the hell am I supposed to be doing? Writing pissed me off, not writing pissed me off, people pissed me off, and I pissed me off for being pissed off in the 1st place.  I was annoyed with life because I was annoyed with me for not knowing what to do.  The woman with all the answers for everyone else couldn’t find one answer for herself.  Indecisive. Undecided because no answer was good enough for me so doing nothing seemed like the easiest thing to do…which worked out to be most spiritually fatal… doing nothing.  That’s some selfish shit. Forgetting myself because I didn’t know what to do with myself lol and in turn I was making myself miserable.  Change requires a whole lot of soul searching and self realization.  It requires facing the facts…aka facing the truth.

Inspiration is in everything…it’s in the melody of my 7am alarm entitled, “Live Life Cherokee!” It’s within the awkward silence of a much needed conversation between two strangers, within the hazy fog of weed smoke exhaled by a tight knit of homies on a Sunday morning, within a shrilling cry for help to the creator for deliverance, within the 6th bar of the 2nd verse to a song with no chorus, within the front row of a rowdy crowd in a rundown club with no liquor license lol, within a mother’s prayer, a father’s neglect, a friend’s lack of loyalty, within a new flame, within a distant memory… It’s everywhere. 🙂

~The Lyricist

#TRIBE

“It’s True…”

Earlier today I was sitting in solitude with my thoughts trying to come up with a new venture to monetize…while trying to come up with the ideas for the matter, I started thinking about what the money would solve. I thought about my life and how as little as $5,000 would make it better…I thought about my mama and how I’d help her and how we’d humbly laugh while basking in our sudden yet simple change of fate, even though the amount was so small. I started to write a couple bars on a new joint that I’d plan to call, “It’s True…” ‘Money ain’t the object of my affection/ sure would smooth my complexion/ cool brown girl smilin’ stylin’ even tho I’m wild’n/ everything I’m buying/ mama ain’t crying, kings still lying tryna comply and/ show affection and attention for little things to da lil boo/ It’s True, happiness can be bought too…” I tried to think about every and anybody who mattered to me & what I’d do for them…or not. There wasn’t much folks that came to mind…my memory is fucked any damn way so that didn’t help at all, but for the most part the list was short.

I love her to pieces... #TRIBE

I love her to pieces… #TRIBE

When I got home, I started digging through a box of old items looking for an item that I believed would help me in my newest venture…I won’t go into detail on what the item was to reserve the integrity & exclusivity of the new project, but I found something else…3 watches.  I sat on the floor in my closet for about 20 minutes looking at each watch as if to be stuck in a deep trance…one that tied me to the significance of these items.  My eyes welled with tears because there’s so many beautiful stories tied to my history that became distant artifacts in boxes that I may never find due to taking time for granted.  I sat there thinking about my ol’ girl…and how she loved me unconditionally…how she loved me when I was rebellious…how she defended me…how she cared for me…how she made sacrifices for me…the central headquarters of my unconditional love.  No matter what we were going through when I was a child, my happiness always came first to my mama…and now I sat there looking at the 3 watches…3 reminders…past, present, & future…A frigid reminder that I gotta keep trying to become a better person…my ol’ girl ain’t the same lady she was 16 years ago when she bought the 1st watch for me…she was younger…more durable, and quick…with time she aged like fine wine and reminds me of my late grandmother everyday. I teared up because she looks to me now the way I looked to her 16 years ago…and I know with everything that I’m trying to accomplish in my life right now, it makes me a bit short and impatient…even in the midst of promoting love and light…patience & virtue…I’m not patient enough with her…and it hurt me. Damn, I’m trying to change for the better…dealing with my ol’ girl humbles me…I apologize more now…I let things go quicker now…I forgive those who hurt me, I love those who hate me, because this is all that I welcome in my spirit…it feels good…and it’s helping me to become a better person.

It’s True…three watches conjured enough memories from my past, to remind me not to take my present for granted because the future is not promised… *smiles to self*  

~The Lyricist  

#TRIBE 

Cherokee The Lyricist

Cherokee The Lyricist

The Black Halo That Hovers Me…

I’m at war with myself.  The things that I expect of me are so formidable and sometimes I don’t give myself a chance to accomplish these things. I take on so much.  I’m so emotional and it took me a while to understand what that really meant and to come to terms with being this way.  I don’t like labels because they keep you in a box that most would draw biased conclusions on before really understanding what makes the items in this box so unique.  What makes me different? I don’t believe that real people wake up in the morning and ask themselves, “How can I be different today?” That’s bogus.  I believe that real people follow their 1st mind…their intuition..their gut…and live on their terms..not on terms predetermined by a book they’ve read..or by what someone said the terms are supposed to be in order to be…different; They just are.  When you make an impact, I don’t believe this is something you can plan…it just kinda happens. The most tragic or beautiful accidents are due to impromptu impact aren’t they not?

Image

I always sit and wonder about people and the way that they think.  I asked myself several times, does the rest of the world think like me? Does the rest of the world give themselves a hard time the way that I do? Do they hurt when someone they barely know is in pain? Do they want to be heard? Do they struggle with trying to uphold their purpose? And if I know what my purpose is, why is it a struggle? Shouldn’t I struggle with the things that I’m unfamiliar with? Of course not.  It’s usually the familiar things..like family & friends that make the struggle harder.  What I don’t know will hurt me…and what I do know already has.  Where do I go from here? Does the rest of the world think like this? Why the FUCK do I think so much? I have a responsibility and that’s to live the life that I’m given but sometimes it gets so hard…to the point where I myself lose touch with the whole damn point.  I suppose I’m just supposed to know.  I have a big heart…a big forgiving heart at that…I’ll do for the next before I’ll do for myself..I won’t change that.  I just wish sometimes that I can get a little help. I just wish sometimes that people would fight for me, the way that I fight for them..I hurt too. I just don’t talk about it because I hate that vulnerable feeling. I don’t want them to see me cry…I don’t want them to try to hug me and tell me everything is going to be okay…I don’t want them to think to themselves that they have to be there for me because they are my friend.  I know how I think, I know how genuine I am. I know that every move within the second of a minute is a personal decision to decide between doing good and doing evil.  I choose to do good..not because I have to, but because it just feels so much better.  I don’t want them to be there for me because they decided to do good for selfish reasons..because they had to I just can’t seem to give people that opportunity.  I’ve been hurt so much.  I live a very lonely life because of this…this is not a cry for help, this is how I maintain.  This is how I think…this is MY STRUGGLE…the pictures that I paint don’t all have daisies and sunshine in em. I got issues like everybody else. I just wish I understood why I process things the way that I do.  A part of me knows the answers to all of my questions…as the other part seems to like posing questions to confirmed answers to hurt me. I’m at war with myself. This is my scarlet letter, the Black Halo that hovers over me…my good verses evil… Black Halo…The Mixtape… July 20th

~The Lyricist

…This Fight…

I’m always at odds with my thoughts..you know me…they will never settle.  I tend to tell myself white lies to treat the fragile feelings with care. That’s what white lies are for right? To protect you in a coy way from the truth… “…I’m okay,” is what I’d say just to shift the spotlight from where I stand which seems to be center stage of my immediate world’s uncanny scrutiny.  So strange…it’s so strange how everything can move at a pace that you can never really seem to get used to, but always somehow manage to keep up. The pace is mine.  I’m trying to impress me, take care of me, and love me unconditionally; In doing that it drives me fucking insane.  I’m so hard to please, easily amused, and unsatisfied.  If I can only present an admit one ticket to the admissions counter of my soul to validate my existence…and that miserable bitch behind the counter..ugh…if she would only accept the funds that I have right now, I mean damn I worked for it. I just wanna jump over the counter and shove it down her throat and gag her until she regurgitates..and maybe THEN at that point she’d admit me into the establishment…for all I truly want is to be established. 

I’m at war with me because I expect so much of me and I know my capabilities but I always find myself 2nd guessing em. I take a step forward, I never look back, but it’s leery. I am the epiphany of a work in progress. You know that feeling that you get after chugging a Red Bull? No, not a warm one…an ice cold Red Bull..niacin filled wet beads slithering in unison on the surface of your tongue, down your throat, into your esophagus coolly making its way to your tummy…that energized feeling…a feeling of rejuvenation…a spurt of happiness and motivation in a can…that’s how I feel daily…but without the caffeine kick…I feel this constant urge to produce..to attain..to plan…to work….to..oh God it’s just an unsettled feeling with a never-ending boost of ambition. Yeah…that’s what it is. Is this what the road to success is like? You work until you’re blue in the face and with each step that you take that seems as if to be in vain, puts your hope reservoir in a state of disbelief and alarm. I mean that’s how it is for me….if I’m not making a move on something I feel inadequate..  Sometimes I wish I weren’t this way. I’m fighting for a cause and this fight…I must fight it alone.

True indeed I will be assisted at some point in all that I do, but internally I have to regulate the demands on my own and boy oh boy do they exist…verdict’s in…I will be successful.  Fuck a white lie, I’m not okay…I won’t be okay until the pictures that I see flickering vividly in front of my eyes even as I’m awake grinding to profile in these visions are a full color reality.  It’s hard to stray away from something or someone when you’re in love.  You can’t just walk away…no matter how much it puts you in feelings of despair.  I’m vulnerable… vulnerable to greatness…it’s an expensive ticket and the woman behind the counter gave me an ultimatum…she said you ‘gon have all this money up front to get in this establishment or you are not getting the fuck in….and so I work and I save and I work and I save some more…in hopes that she’d allow me in, I won’t stop until I have enough..

~The Lyricist

 

"My spirit is free.."

“My spirit is free..”

%d bloggers like this: