Posts tagged ‘broward’

I’ll be 18 at Midnight.

topmodelDreaming is my escape from reality.  There’s a part of me that’s on the other end of the globe exploring and experiencing and then there’s the part of me that’s still here. I spent years asking myself, “Am I a grown-up yet?” Lol What the hell does it even mean to be a grown-up? The answer to the question is never clear but I somehow managed to be categorized as such.  I remember the year I graduated from high school; I sat on the patio of my apartment staring at things until they became blurred in vision in a heroic attempt to hold on to every moment; I wanted to be so aware of the moment and its coinciding timestamp.   I was fascinated with life, in the moment.  It was as if every living thing that came into view had a chance at life for a 2nd time.  Time became so much more important to me and graduation was really a mechanism that stood for transformation.  The sky was golden, the sun rays beamed gently over the entire landscape causing me to sit in the shade with a partial squint. The breeze was warm and for the first time ever, I felt a sense of carelessness and freedom.  With graduation a day or so away and my birthday coming shortly after, all I could think of was the auspicious possibilities and this new chapter, I had mixed emotions.  I knew that once I walked across that stage and secured that diploma, everything that happened or wouldn’t happen from that point forward, would be on the account of me and me only. Truth is it was always on me but that’s a lesson that came later on in my life.

I remember the feeling that I had the night before my 18th birthday.  I remember looking at my face in the mirror and thinking; at midnight I’ll be 18 and foolishly wondering what my 18 year old face would look like. Lol I was so amazed that I was finally going to be living life on my own terms that I tried to imagine what being an adult would feel like once the clock struck midnight.  Every moment was that much more important so I was very careful to recognize every occurrence and detail within every preceding minute.  This was the last time that I would ever get to be a child, I’ll never be 17 again, and life will forever be changed at midnight.

The time came and gone, I didn’t shed any skin and I wasn’t swept off my feet and into the air by a gust of magical winds with an angelic light flow from the heavens, to be struck by the adult Gods with a lightning bolt of glory and responsibility; I simply went up a number. Astounding. Looking back from then til now, I can now see that adulthood is having an open state-of-mind.  No matter how many bills you may pay, the number of children you may have, deals closed, or money made, no matter what you may do in this life, there’s no specific event that occurs that grants you your adulthood.  It’s more so a mental transition that occurs when you become mature enough to understand your circumstances and take full responsibility for them through the good and bad.  The great news is that my inner child never died, she’s always fighting the good fight to remain relevant in my day-to-day life. Lol I’m still a big kid going through this journey with an open perspective, life is what you think it. 

 

~The Lyricist

#TRIBE

I’m a freelance human.

It’s been two years since I’ve blogged on my site.  Two years.  Let’s make a toast to consistency shall we?

So much has come and gone within this time frame and I’m so blessed to be alive and well… and aware that I fucked up.  Given that it’s been such a long stretch of time since I’ve last checked in, I’ll take the opportunity now to refresh everyone on what this blog is all about and what to look forward to in the upcoming weeks.

“Hi, I’m Cherokee, formally known as, Cherokee The Lyricist.  I’m a Hip Hop Soul artist originally from Brooklyn, NY, and raised in Ft. Lauderdale, FL.  I enjoy living my life on my terms which include but is not limited to: making music, writing, thrifting, annoying my boyfriend, avoiding major responsibilities, and sleeping on the beach, I meant, meditating on the beach.  Yes, you guessed it, I’m a liberated-spirit and pride myself on that as well.  I figured writing a blog would help me to stay connected to my tribe while also purging my mind of the continuous and at times daunting thoughts that never seem to go away unless I really need them.  I’m a freelance human.  I wander through life as a carefree butterfly pitching on the flowers in the garden of uncertainty.  (I’m really having fun with this lol)

In short, I missed  you guys.  Consistency for me has been a struggle because my mind is something that from time-to-time I lose control of, am I crazy? To society? Maybe. Am I human? To me? Sometimes. But I am sure of one thing and one thing only, and that it’s my purpose to simply, BE.  The moment I started allowing myself to simply, BE, I remembered this blog, my responsibility and my purpose.  Sometimes we try so hard to BE more and end up losing focus forgetting that we’re supposed to simply, BE.  (That sounded hella deep in my head when I thought of it, on paper not so much).

I appreciate the tribe for holding out for me, for believing in me, for encouraging me and understanding that in this life the only thing that’s certain is knowing that nothing is certain.  Expect a couple blogs a week from me, expect updates on new music and poetry from me, and expect most importantly, the unexpected. 

Love and light,

Cherokee

#TRIBE

That’s Some Selfish Shit.

I told him I was lacking inspiration. I had nothing to write about even though I had everything to write about.  Nothing in my mind was good enough to be put on paper because I wasn’t satisfied with my life.  I was unsettled and ungrateful.  Here I was overlooking the beautiful transformation that I asked my creator for because it wasn’t wrapped in a pretty package.  I was taking my own life for granted because it wasn’t bestowed on me in the way that I ordered it. And if it were given to me in that manner I wouldn’t be living it at all…I’d still be taking it for granted.  My inspiration is my hardship and in the bellow of everything that I don’t understand right away.

I looked myself in the mirror trying to figure out what in the hell am I supposed to be doing? Writing pissed me off, not writing pissed me off, people pissed me off, and I pissed me off for being pissed off in the 1st place.  I was annoyed with life because I was annoyed with me for not knowing what to do.  The woman with all the answers for everyone else couldn’t find one answer for herself.  Indecisive. Undecided because no answer was good enough for me so doing nothing seemed like the easiest thing to do…which worked out to be most spiritually fatal… doing nothing.  That’s some selfish shit. Forgetting myself because I didn’t know what to do with myself lol and in turn I was making myself miserable.  Change requires a whole lot of soul searching and self realization.  It requires facing the facts…aka facing the truth.

Inspiration is in everything…it’s in the melody of my 7am alarm entitled, “Live Life Cherokee!” It’s within the awkward silence of a much needed conversation between two strangers, within the hazy fog of weed smoke exhaled by a tight knit of homies on a Sunday morning, within a shrilling cry for help to the creator for deliverance, within the 6th bar of the 2nd verse to a song with no chorus, within the front row of a rowdy crowd in a rundown club with no liquor license lol, within a mother’s prayer, a father’s neglect, a friend’s lack of loyalty, within a new flame, within a distant memory… It’s everywhere. 🙂

~The Lyricist

#TRIBE

Man I gotta go.

As the tears roll down my face…I refuse to smile. Life did no wrong to me. It’s been pretty damn good to me actually. I put a lot of positive energy in the universe, I pray hard, even when my faith is tested and I reside on the grounds of solitude. Is my happiness living within the depths of my hope? Or in the hopes of my depth..no I’m not suicidal..so please don’t intervene. *looks down & smiles* Still trying to get my ducks in a row…most times I just wanna keep em all fucked up and let em do what they want..organized thought processing is all I need…an organized predicable life is what I’m afraid of.  My back is against the wall which indicates to me that I’m doing something right…It amazes me that my life is so much like the functionality of a used car on the road to recovery.  Every time you fix something on it, everything else falls apart around it.  I admire my struggle because it’s always something lol It’s to the point where I’d look up to the sky and I’m like, “Really God? Really though??” And simply smile & walk it off.  My purpose here is evident but my ability to sustain seems a bit…special.  I ain’t gon’ front though my heart is in pain…I don’t know if this is the after effects of  a broken heart or too many damn cigars, nowadays the effects all feel the same.  I’m still here though…living & maintaining.  I work so hard at most things…and whatever it is that doesn’t really hold much significance, I sleep on…for example, negativity & ig’nant ahh niggas. Lol It’s early & I don’t have anything deep to say, I’m not digging deep today, it’s too early… and I’m so sure of what I’m searching for.  I just need time away. It’s crazy how I can sit down with a kindred spirit & discuss the world & it’s affect on us as individuals, indulge in irrational solutions for laughs, & then finally laying back & saying absolutely nothing…entertaining silence; but cannot muster enough words to make an impressionable statement to the one that I’m slowly loving to hate.  It’s crazy how you can put your ALL in for a cause & still not produce a significant amount of an effect to inspire you to keep going.  I suppose if the benefits aren’t what we anticipated it doesn’t count as a benefit huh? I’m restless. I’m hurting. I have an obligation to me..and that’s to sustain, and it’s hard at times because it’ll be too damn easy to do just that…and deep down everyone isn’t rooting for your happiness.  Most times people don’t even give a fuck if it has absolutely nothing to do with them. Selfish. Anything that I allow myself to go through is merely to sharpen the effect of my understanding.  I try to go through most things so that I can understand them…write em down…read em…study em…let em go. My mind as you see it is in stable condition, but it’s rendering at critical mass.  What time is it? Man I gotta go. I must leave. I gotta clear it in so many ways than one.  Growth.

~The Lyricist
Release Me

…This Fight…

I’m always at odds with my thoughts..you know me…they will never settle.  I tend to tell myself white lies to treat the fragile feelings with care. That’s what white lies are for right? To protect you in a coy way from the truth… “…I’m okay,” is what I’d say just to shift the spotlight from where I stand which seems to be center stage of my immediate world’s uncanny scrutiny.  So strange…it’s so strange how everything can move at a pace that you can never really seem to get used to, but always somehow manage to keep up. The pace is mine.  I’m trying to impress me, take care of me, and love me unconditionally; In doing that it drives me fucking insane.  I’m so hard to please, easily amused, and unsatisfied.  If I can only present an admit one ticket to the admissions counter of my soul to validate my existence…and that miserable bitch behind the counter..ugh…if she would only accept the funds that I have right now, I mean damn I worked for it. I just wanna jump over the counter and shove it down her throat and gag her until she regurgitates..and maybe THEN at that point she’d admit me into the establishment…for all I truly want is to be established. 

I’m at war with me because I expect so much of me and I know my capabilities but I always find myself 2nd guessing em. I take a step forward, I never look back, but it’s leery. I am the epiphany of a work in progress. You know that feeling that you get after chugging a Red Bull? No, not a warm one…an ice cold Red Bull..niacin filled wet beads slithering in unison on the surface of your tongue, down your throat, into your esophagus coolly making its way to your tummy…that energized feeling…a feeling of rejuvenation…a spurt of happiness and motivation in a can…that’s how I feel daily…but without the caffeine kick…I feel this constant urge to produce..to attain..to plan…to work….to..oh God it’s just an unsettled feeling with a never-ending boost of ambition. Yeah…that’s what it is. Is this what the road to success is like? You work until you’re blue in the face and with each step that you take that seems as if to be in vain, puts your hope reservoir in a state of disbelief and alarm. I mean that’s how it is for me….if I’m not making a move on something I feel inadequate..  Sometimes I wish I weren’t this way. I’m fighting for a cause and this fight…I must fight it alone.

True indeed I will be assisted at some point in all that I do, but internally I have to regulate the demands on my own and boy oh boy do they exist…verdict’s in…I will be successful.  Fuck a white lie, I’m not okay…I won’t be okay until the pictures that I see flickering vividly in front of my eyes even as I’m awake grinding to profile in these visions are a full color reality.  It’s hard to stray away from something or someone when you’re in love.  You can’t just walk away…no matter how much it puts you in feelings of despair.  I’m vulnerable… vulnerable to greatness…it’s an expensive ticket and the woman behind the counter gave me an ultimatum…she said you ‘gon have all this money up front to get in this establishment or you are not getting the fuck in….and so I work and I save and I work and I save some more…in hopes that she’d allow me in, I won’t stop until I have enough..

~The Lyricist

 

"My spirit is free.."

“My spirit is free..”

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